"I was thinking maybe..." - Written with Julia Trotti, completed 13/11/08

October 10:
I tried calling her today, but
the phone was left, for seven
rings, too long. She
doesn't like, she is afraid, of

dialing numbers, and jewellery, and
the sound of bugs flying too
close to her ear.

She probably would have laughed
at the thought of dreaming the
day away. Because she can't stop.

She can't stop to meet me at
the rooftops. To meet me and
hold my hand. To meet me and
watch the sky move sideways.


October 16:
Today I called him, to say, to
say that I wanted to drown,
not in sorrows or swimming pools, but in
the ocean, because it's so peaceful

down there. Only I didn't. I
didn't breathe. Or speak. I
didn't call at all. And I
wished he wouldn't,

tell me to be more careful when
I scrape my knees on rocks, or fall
towards the sea. I start
to dream, at the beach.


September 3:
Her purple and greens clash and
she doesn't care. Her fingernails
are painted of different colours
and she doesn't care. She kisses
me, she laughs, she's care free.

I wanted to show her the patterns
that formed when she fell, and
how the grains of sand were parallel
to the grain of the wood, but she

listened to the silence. She listened
and then she came crashing down on me
like the ocean. Like the waves on
the horizon.


September 5:
For a moment, the sky was still, and
the sea was silent, and
our eyes might have met, and
we might have smiled.

Our thoughts may have caught, and may
have tangled, but then again


January 2:
our smiles may
have faded.

"Cross My Heart" - Written 20/10/08

You covered up your mess under a sheet,
and gave me an apologetic glance.
I just shrugged - "I'm not much better"
and you asked me to sit on the bed with you.
Your mother always told you a messy room
indicates a scatterred brain, but you don't care.
We lay back across the mattress, faces framed
by the shadows from the window pane.

We were still laying there together,
staring at the stars and fragments of dreams,
when your brother came calling
and I had take my friend's dad's taxi home.
We could never bare the nights apart,
our restless dreams, sleeping arms
embracing our pillows, the same quilt
you covered up the mess with.

That was a long time ago,
and you let the mess build up and sit,
still just covering up, hoping to forget it all.
Your new boyfriend in your room,
and you divert his eyes with sex and smiles
and cover me with a blanket of time.
He ignores the baggage in the corner,
but time can't heal all wounds.

Under my weighted blanket of time,
I can still hear the gasps from you, and him,
I remember the arch of your back,
your breasts pressed firm against my chess.
I mark the spot with my beating blood,
remind myself of you under my blanket of time,
I cross my heart,
and hope to die.

"Sufferance" - Written 08/10/08

I am in a nation of frustration,
My brain pulsating,
My muscles, tendons, bones aching.
Teeth, Jaw, Nerves grating.

I can't stop this losing streak,
When each and every loss every week
I grow weaker and more meek,
And cannot find the release I seek.

Tumbling further on this downward spiral,
A vicious cycle, this sickness is viral.
The anger rising in me is primal,
But conquered by sadness' revival.

Just let me lie here,
I don't want to think anymore.
I've been alone for days.
I'm done with all of this.

"Cacophony" - Written 25/09/08

The most beautiful sound in the world
Is the name of the listener.
In our vanity, it is everything.
We hear it as a whisper
From a thousand miles away,
And let it slip between our temples,
Bouncing and echoing in our brains,
Defining us, shaping out our frames.

The most beautiful sound in the world,
The most beautiful sound I had ever heard,
Was somebody I loved calling me.
That is, 'was', until, one passing day,
I passed a crowd, while on my way,
One million people between I and they,
And yet, I heard a whispering of Your name,
The sweetest word that anyone can say.

Still now I hear it, ringing in my ears,
My own tag lost,
I listen for something more.
Yet, in having your name, yet never having you,
No care for my own name, I am now poor.
In my loneliness,
I define myself by my one paltry pride-
Sad, yet the best I can do, all the same-
My broken heart now skips only One beat,
Each and every time I hear your name.

"Broken Fence" - Written 19/08/08

So you're mending that fence today?
New nails, new boards, to replace the rot.
Hammer in these new pieces, and it's okay?
You say it's fine, but I know it's not-
Are you working to keep things out, or in?
And look now how our fence is inconsistant!

Perhaps that's the difference
Between you and I-
Point of view, use versus beauty.
Am I the only one who sees
There's something noble in being broken?

Come one, come all, to the hole in our wall,
We've no need to repair, we'll wait for you there!
But you fix it and hope to hold the world out.
Does that work? As you see I have my doubts.

Please- don't nail in those boards!
Just how bad can a little gap be?
To lock the world out is safer, I admit,
But at least now, inside is not lonely.

"Dominance" - Written 08/08/08

I am the Pharoah,
Godly and all knowing.
Yet this man is saying
"Let my people get going"
and I am....

He brought plagues,
And death, to our first sons.
Now with Their passing
I'll be the only one,
I will be....

I am a godly man!
The sun is in my hands!
I have my fathers throne!
Yet I am....

So they have left,
All are now gone.
There's nothing for me here,
I'm the only one,
Here I sit....

Drowned in tears,
Swallowed by the sea,
I'd rather this
Than to let myself be,
What I feel....

I am a lowly man,
No power in my hands!
I give up all I own,
To not feel so alone!

"Little-Lines" - Written 31/07/08

Little lines, little lines,
Tell me now and true.
What is your purpose,
What is to be seen in you?
You cut me deep, to the bone,
Plaguing me, never leaving me alone.

Little lines, bloody little lines,
Are you great trenches, swallowing life?
Or great cracks in a breaking dam,
River cutting through you like a knife.
You remain like features carved in stone,
Plaguing me, never leaving me alone.

Little lines, paling little lines,
Nobody knows of you but me.
When I am gone, will you remain,
And finally someone else shall see?
Whisper to them secrets unknown,
Plaguing them, that they left me alone.

"Cactus-Flower" - Written 31/07/08

I want to hug a cactus,
On this dull, ruinous landscape.
I want to let it know it is not alone.
Its flesh within my warmth,
I will be it's only friend,
A shoulder for it to cry on,
So it may finally let out those tears
It keeps bottled up so desperatly,
Trying to survive.

I want to hug a cactus,
And feel its thin, sharp needles
Cutting through me, burrowing my skin,
Like the spines of a porcupine,
Protecting it from the outside.
Softly trickling from pin-pricks,
As my new friend sets it free,
My sap, mixing with its tears,
Splash playfully across the dirt,
Forming a strange composition.
After this, all that will be left over
Is a dark red stain from a cactus flower.

"A 'Good Time' Ritual" - Written 17/07/08

Pins and needles in my hands and feet,
And gulping in the air, trying to drink deep.
Your vision blurs, and your balance is gone,
And every day I seem to get at least one.
The "Corridor of Light" forms in your eye,
Dots and flecks in your vision will multiply.
Your heart pounds your ribs like a jackhammer-
You're not here, you can't think, your words stammer.
In your head all your thoughts start to beak down,
And you know you'll be fine but it doesn't feel like that
When you can't see and can't feel a thing and your skin
is tingling and a sound like insects buzzing grows in your
ears claustraphobia growing just need to calm down!!!

When you wake up, and open your eyes at last,
You stare at the ceiling, and laugh.

"The Wind Chime" - Written 30/06/08

Tides sweep through thousands far to east,
The earths maw devouring like a great beast.
Heat drying through hundreds in the north
Bolts cracking skies, and air tearing rock.

All this reduces to small dark fragments,
And ash, black mounds of ashen dust,
Lifted, scattered, tossed aside by the wind,
Such destruction, yet sees no epic end.

It all dissolves to wind in rustling leaves,
Dust to skies from ground, and through trees.
This too sings new strange notes, out of time,
A soft whisper, twinkling through the wind chime.

"The Wilderness" - Written 17/06/08

The Wind, being of formidable strength,
Floods and tidal waves,
Burns, scorches, and ignitions,
Grew to fear, to lament its own ways.

The destruction of life,
The crumbling of earth and rock,
Tearing himself apart, for this,
And nature and life bearing the loss.

The Wind of change moves down,
And came to her, seeking forgiveness,
To kiss the ground,
To be closer to nature.

Yet, as though expecting him,
With open arms she welcomed him,
Mother, stranger, friend,
He would return to her again.

Something in the air grew fresh,
And nature spread, warm and lush,
Blooming plants breaking through strife,
The children of the Earth, and Life.

"Companion" - Written 17/06/08

I've watched your fall,
Standing by your side I've seen it all,

The graceful dive, as you plummet
Heedlessly into this abyss.
It hurts to watch your sickness,
Sadness echoing from your tears.

If I could mend your broken soul,
Then perhaps there is hope for me?

-

Another day, no change, no need to wake,
Loneliness inhaled in every breath,
Lost hopes writhing in your head.

To see your heart anchored,
Hard as stone, cold, and dead,
Endless silence, no beats to skip,
Running from light, hurt and afraid,
Empathy overcomes me, bound to you.

I wish I could heal your pain, this
Sadness - Is this it? Is this all there is?

"Through Windows" - Written 17/06/08

I'm so fond of your work, and
Knowing where you work,
I keep one eye open there, every day.
To see you living, real,
In the flesh, the truest live,
My heart jumps to my throat.

And I know your hometown,
The places you were raised,
Your dreams as a child in school.
Your circle of friends,
Your loves and relationships,
Everything down to your favourite food,
I know.

And yet you don't know me at all,
Not even my name, I guess,
You could call me your biggest fan.
I have your picture with me,
You're on my mind at all times,
Music resonating through my bones.

I wonder do you understand
How I love you, I idolise you?
Your name tugs inside my chest.
Yet still you don't know me,
Inside your perfect life, and I,
Still merely looking through windows.

"Last Request" - Written 15/06/08

You don't have to write poems to be a poet.
You don't even have to write.
That look in your eye,
A wink, and a nod,
Your lips sing songs to me.

Your breath in the night,
In those soft motions, worlds rise and fall.
I see you dreaming, every twitch,
Each smile radiating bliss,
Whimpers piercing my heart.

You awake, you turn your eyes to me,
Disapproval for what you see.
Any flaws I rush to correct,
Rush and alter, change environment.
Love earns you your hearts desire.

Do not change a thing for me,
I love exactly who you are.
Wrinkled brow, smile across the room,
Soft-mouthed kiss you lay
On another persons lips.

Change who you are?
Yet I feel nothing for another.
So stay with him, I beg you.
To love and yet demand
Is to love naught but a lie.

"Incandescent Lady" - Written 10/06/08

Drink deep, the waters of your soul,
Quench the pyre, put out the coals,
The Lady spirit cometh, hells flames,
Will steal your heart, life, and name.
Flow, now shimmering waters of life,
Or boil, sizzle and scald, running rife.
The Lady tempts, her bliss is sweet,
Warming to the core, strength, heat.
All life's desires, cannot be resist,
Your soul is hers, from the first kiss.
Without escape, useless to fight,
Lifetime passed on now into the night.

"Glorious" - Written 30/05/08

It was not until you let me in,
Drew me closer to your heart,
That I noticed the marked skin.
Pulling me closer with those arms,
I saw the small red pockets,
The places your flesh was harmed.
Tiny dimples clustered at the socket
Of your shoulder, causing my alarm.

Please, let not your eyes grow wide.
Do not hide away the skin from me,
I feel nothing but happiness, let inside,
No shock, nothing upsetting to see.
These speckles, freckling complexion,
Do not frighten, fear not showing them free.
They change nothing, you are perfection,
Image means nothing, by my decree.

The slight scar upon your forehead,
Which you hide beneath your hair
By the way which your fringe is led,
Even this detail earns all my care.
So please, do not hide these things
Which my heart must still adore,
Even with every simple cut, and sting,
I want, I love you, so much more.

"The Inferno" - Written 29/05/08

Dwelling mostly in chill,
In realms of sky,
He is drawn to a warmth,
Something new in his world.
A burning incandescence,
A light fantastical.

Seeking this strange sensation,
Inescapably drawn, he neared,
Finding this creature, flickering,
Illuminated in his presence.

The two seemed to resonate,
Spark, and suit themselves.
They became friends fast,
Igniting their strengths at last.

The cold world of wind now grew,
Expanding beyond, something greater,
No longer just himself, over ocean,
But three of them, bound forever.
Things changed for better, moved higher,
This was his new compatriot, heat, and Fire.

"The Torrent" - Written 27/05/08

He passes over her horizons,
Looking upon her vast reaches,
Staring into the blackening depths,
Fragments of himself in those creatures.

Rippling across her surface,
Waving through her still skin,
He feels he is almost one with her,
Until they blur along the edges, together.

In their love, he lifts her to heights,
Brings her as far and wide as he can,
She envelopes him, he dissolves within her,
They mix together, as lovers, forever.

Still, they remain seperate entities,
The lines blur, but they are different at heart,
They are elements of sadness, being apart,
Regardless of whatever love there may be.
Her tears are rain. Her soul is the Sea.

"The Cyclone" - Written 27/05/08

He twists in rustling calls,
As he dances through the skies,
Forever winding, as the sun falls,
Turning still, as the shadows rise.
Breezes and blows across all lands,
Playing to all creatures demands.

Sometimes greeted as a friend,
Like a breath of clean, fresh air,
Other times feared as the end,
A twisting column of despair.
Yet still he moves among us all,
Deep within us, among our calls.

Wrapping himself across the world,
Breathing his life into all lands,
In movements his cries and calls are heard,
Among living leaves, across soulless sands.
Grasped in his care, all of us, living kin,
He is breath, he is air, his name is Wind.

"Humilitas" - Written 25/05/08

She resigns herself to the background,
And I watch as he works the room.
The crowd, resting in his palm,
His slick, coy smile in front of his face.

I had seen her before this day,
She would dance, play within a crowd.
Looking out from the corner, I could see
Clearly, throughout the entire room,
None of her dancing. None of her play.

He comes to me, of course, of course-
Drink in hand, on some verbal discourse,
The same smile held up, the twinkle,
Injected in his eye, as every day before,
-Then remembers her, nursing her drink,
Running her finger in loops along the rim.

I feel bad to look at her, sitting quietly.
She should talk, or dance the way she did.
I see the smoke in her eyes, the flicker,
Need to see the inferno of her beauty again,
Not this pinched out, blackened wick.

He sees her sitting quietly, befriending a frown,
Or as an injured pet, helping her along.
A peck of lips, then leaves her to her drink,
Working, working, working all along.

"Humanitas" - Written 23/05/08

There is nothing new to be said here.
She is nothing special.
She desires nothing, and nothing comes.
Just a desire happiness, for all others.

Oh, she loves, and oh, she is so sweet,
Such a lovely girl, nicest you'll ever meet,
But she thinks that she cares for our mirth!
She does this all for self-increased worth.

Not that she is self-obsessed, or proud,
She believes her own deceitful ways.
Yet this is how many lives are spent;
Searching, scrambling, to be better the person.

"Patientia" - Written 22/05/08

He lies awake, the treatments make his day.
His eyes are blurred, the world is far away.
He thinks upon his past now gone astray,
He had thought his life was lost, today.

Despite his state,
He feels no hate
For his assailants.
Expecting little from life,
Just another strife
With new miscreants.
So he lays back,
Ponders the attack,
And his treatment.
A life without mirth,
No self worth,
He forgives their intent.

If he was attacked simply for his cash,
His loss would achieve some happiness.
He appreciates this kind of sacrifice.
At least this is of some worth.

"Industria" - Written 20/05/08

She works like a machine,
Slaves her hours away.
Hardly sleeps a wink at night,
Never stops to think at day.

The problem here is simple,
She hides it not at all.
Not one second of personal time,
Never does she stall.

She hides from the world in work,
Her friends left at the wayside.
A moment out of work
Returns her too quick to her life.

How long before she is caught out?
Only a few seconds on her own
Would see her plummet back to life,
And everything she's hiding from.

"Liberalitas" - Written 19/05/08

He is a man wracked with regret,
Remorse, and endless guilt.
Thinking about her, the time they had together,
Her smile, the joy shining in her eyes-
That he ruined.
The shining now reflected light from tears.

Hatred for himself,Burning agony,
He allows himself no relief.
He cannot live happily,
Punishing himself, he throws this away.
He cares for all others,
Cares not for himself.
He gives aid to all others,
Aids not himself.
Shares with all others,
Keeps nothing, ever, for himself.

All others in his presence
Benefit from his loss.
They think him devoted,
Or loving at all costs,
No one realising the truth.

Who ever dares to watch a man,
As he slowly slits his own throat?

He knows what he does to himself,
Yet continues, without fear or doubt,
He has not earned his life,
Only thrown that life away.
So he gives his heart and gives his soul,
They belong to her, who's happiness he stole.

What is the use in material gain,
When none of these things can ease his pain?

"Temperantia" - Written 18/05/08

She hides her eyes from others,
Looks down when spoken to,
She plays with her fingers self conciously,
When speaking, Submisses herself entirely.

A perfect little servant- she wants not,
Asks not, dare not
Speak up against her masters,
Her owners.

She lives on what she has, happily,
In darkness.
Better than to challenge,
To cause any disturbance.
She smiles, unabashedly servile.

Deep inside, her heart is breaking,
Unknown to her, of course.
One can survive on what one has.
Never wish for more.

"Castitas" - Written 17/05/08

He trusts no living person,
His heart beats no heat,
He lets no lover inside,
No one beneath the sheets.
Nothing he says ever means much,
He feels apart, and out of touch.

His smile betrays his feeling,
No happiness passes inside.
He has no anger to control,
Nor sorrow for him to hide.
Hate has never been of interest,
And love has not come as of yet.

His work makes him proud,
He is an efficient machine.
No distractions break cycle,
Nothing ever falls between.
He smiles goodnight, then is gone
To bed, sleeps for the night, alone.

And we're back

Just incase it wasn't going to be obvious anyway.

Notes, Notes, Notes....

Due to the fact that my college exams have now begun, I have decided to take this week off. I shall resume posting poems up after this day next week, when my final exam is over. If I'm lucky, somebody might even notice!

"Superbia" - Written 29/04/08

Some say it comes before the fall-
It had not, it came after, or during.
All that came before was happiness,

And it began to fade away.
She began to forget, she called less,
Every other day became weeks away.
She forgot everything done for her.
A new man, a pleasant distraction.

She sent me a message sometime,
Then lost interest, left me behind.
Without a pang of remorse or guilt,
She played me like playing her violin.

Yesterday she came to me once more.
I could not let my heart twinge again,
So I passed her by, I ignored her.
Let her learn how it feels, how I feel,
A servant, unnoticed by their lord.
I am Lucifer, betraying my god.

"Luxuria" - Written 22/04/08

She owns the night,
And all creatures of the streets,
They all belong to her.
She is known in this place,
Under all the headlights,
Always met with pleasure.

She meets the men
With the same coy smile,
Teases with a kiss.
She leaves this little mark,
As a sign of her next victim,
For a night of bliss.

She's not herself,
When she becomes this heat,
Consumed by thirst.
She drinks herself full,
Wraps herself around a stranger,
Calls herself "Asmodeus".

She sleeps alone,
Tears soaking into her pillow,
But always out of sight.
She keeps a gun in her closet,
And she fears, sleeping alone,
She won't make it through the night.

"Ira" - Written 29/04/08

Her blood had boiled, her eyes had flared,
She had moved further than she ever dared,
The knife she carried, clasped in her hand,
Her knuckles whitened, aches in her palm.

She unpocketed cloth, wiped clean the blade,
Walking from that place, she was unafraid.

She feels no remorse, she feels no sorrow,
For the now dead body, its head run hollow,
Nor for any others she murdered in hate,
She brought them her knife, well-deserved fate.

Now they were dispatched, she felt not a thing,
No happiness, no relief, did her acts bring.

Satan may take her, her soul was long lost,
She destroyed those men, regardless of cost.
This was a punishment, they all had to suffer,
Yet her mission done, she now had none other.

She had won nothing, fulfilled no demands,
Only loneliness, death, and blood on her hands.

"Invidia" - Written 29/04/08

He was in disbelief, in shock,
In a total state of confusion.
He simply had not been chosen.

He had worked for this for years,
Devoted himself utterly.
His life's work just passed by.

Himself and another, rivals for this,
Slaving to recieve the honour.
Had he not worked so much harder?

He had placed all his hope in this chance,
Worked for this sole purpose.
Now he had nothing, all hope was lost.

His stomache twists and turns now,
A leviathan of nervous confusion.
It should be him, he should have won.

His rival had all he had ever desired,
A painful unfair victory,
It should not be him... Give it to me.

"Gula" - Written 24/04/08

Miles away, or simply down below,
Hunger runs rampant while his belly grows.
Flies swarm his table, his feast set apart.
Feeding is his life, feeding is his art

He sees life as his competition,
The lord of flies grows,
He takes and eats from others,
Beelzebub is all he knows.

His soul feels a hunger he cannot satisfy,
His life is a hole from which he must fly.
So he eats - must eat. Must not die.
Others starve - must not ask why.
He fears of his loss, he needs to win,
Eats his misery, and that is his sin.

"Avaritia" - Written 25/04/08

In all born creatures,
Mammon plants a seed,
A demand in every soul,
An utter selfish need.

She knows she doesn't need these things,
Just distractions, from material,
But the game of aquiring
Has put her under spell.

She delights in taking from others,
Delights in her pure power.
The world has made her richer,
She grows stronger by the hour.
She wants, she needs, she must own,
She gives up nothing, from her throne.

Every penny saved she sees
A greater status gained.
Every new name learned,
Society has her raised.
Every extra possession,
A perfect little comfort.
Every meaningless day,
Her screaming soul is unheard.

"Acedia" - Written 28/04/08

He sits, breathes, lies.
That is it, that is everything.
Not waiting. Not even thinking.
Slumped, sprawled, hardly blinking.

Healing? No.
Resting. Resting forever,
Never works.
Belphegor told him, "Nothing,
Nothing is all it takes."

Mind is dulling, sleeping.
Machines tend, keep him well.
Eyes entertained by colours,
Register nothing, no others.

Hypnotised,
Body is fading,
From sickening undertow.
Why bother working, or living,
When world just forgets us somehow?

"In Dreams" - Written 28/04/08

I watched myself toss and turn.
I watched myself roll in discomfort.
I watched the sheets arrange and rearrange,
as I slept as a man disgruntled.
I descended into the shadows of the mind...

Staring into her eyes, I noticed,
they flared a fiery yellow colour.
We watched each other, sitting by one another,
but as I leaned towards her lips,
even in my dreams, she drew away from me.

She fades away, into distance.
I see myself back in the quilt again.
I turn over, I seek to relive this experience,
or one of greater happiness,
to live as sane man in a land of the insane...

I find myself travelling briefly,
with many companions, once known.
We stop at a store and are searching for something,
each man searching alone,
and I cannot find here a single product I desire.

We resume our travelling,
my companions are each satisfied,
but our transport breaks down, we cannot move on,
and I see myself now again,
beating my pillow, and sleeping, again, descending...

We sit at a table, him and I,
across from each other, shirts and ties,
when he looks straight at me, and laughs, long and loud.
I watch as he turns transparent,
in his laughter I can see him so quickly fading away.

I reach for him, but he is gone.
Through him I see a cold wind outside,
but I am now seeing through just a windowpane,
no person by my side, and
I awake, listening to the pattering sound of the rain.

"Happiness" - Written 28/04/08

I saw two men sitting
in a doorway, laughing,
Ragged hair on their chins,
Tired eyes in their faces.
Their clothes were weather-worn,
Old newspapers their seats.

I could not understand these men,
Smiling, as it were, in their hollow,
Hardly a penny between them,
No luxuries for them in the streets,
While I sat, returning from work,
In a comfortable vehicle, heading
for a comfortable home.

I smile in glimpses, semi-seconds,
In my life of luxury and protection.
How do these men remain laughing,
Empty card cups clutched in their laps?

Perhaps life is not built monetarily,
but these moments, semi-seconds of smiles?
We get caught up in trifle distractions,
and need these men to remind us.

"Crudely Traced Path" - 25/04/08

There was a certain simplicity,
when we were one, before.
A certain understanding,
a warmth and feeling.

Life is unrelenting,
and cares little for our paths.
We are torn apart, as all must be.
Of course, you will pine for me,
while I will cry, ignorant
of what tragedy has occured.

It is simple to carry on,
unaware of all that is lost.
We are creatures that do not think.
We fill those holes with trifles,
hope, fear, love, loss,
we live the great lie of life.

Were we to return to that state,
live as one, as once we did,
we would see all that has been lost.
Life saw us pay its cost,
and let us wander off until
we have little left to give.

Then we are life's candles, and it snubbs out the flame,
and sleeps.

"Everything Moves On: Diary of a Social Trend" - Written 25/04/08

Once I had a companion,
On this journey of mine.
We rode this road together,
Once upon a time.

They left for another,
At the side of the road.
I was left to myself,
In this vehicle alone.
My only company
A crackling radio,
Out of tune and broken.
No words were spoken.

My vehicle is not old,
But it was mistreated.
The battery is low,
The fuel is depleted.
The painting is scratched,
The mirrors are broken,
The tyres have flattened,
The windows have darkened.
A sign ahead tells me
The route is closed.
I must part with vehicle,
To continue this road.

"On The Outside" - Written 25/11/07

It
Can

THE
LOOP

Hurt

An unfortunate note....

As you can see, the poem below is tagged as "cummings style".
This is because the poems structure, and placement of words, is significant to the poems message. However, blogspot will not allow me to represent my published post in such a manner, and so I must apologise for my inability to present the work to you.

This was the very flaw I feared, regarding this work, and another work I shall post up tomorrow.
If you're curious about the actual appearance of the pieces, I can always help with that, were you to ask...

Again, apologies, and many thanks.

"A Wish Fulfillment" - Written 25/11/07

Shame, Shame as I Envy
Other Thrones, Successors, Virtues...
Morose, Regular, yet Endearing.
Even Under Rapt
Thought, Creativity like Yours
Is Tempting, but, Too
Much - Unlike me. How
Everything Runs... I
Stupidly Endeavour Now, even,
albeit Grotesquely.

"The Sadness Of Things" - Written 17/04/08

(An homage to an artistic hero)

Walk with me a while,
Through a dream and a song.
Tell me I'm doing nothing wrong...

I just want to sit,
Under a purple sky and moon,
Wasting away that eternal sunset
By just talking here with you...

Still every night the sun dies,
And I am blinded by the sky....

"Warmth" - Written 20/03/08

There are those who would kill for love;
Would you die for me?
An offering, a pledge,
in flesh and bone.

Would you martyr yourself for me?
In death, I am absolved,
I can suffer my loss
with peace of mind.

You live and I lose you a little more,
With every minute, every breath.
To another man, another life,
I lose you to myself.

How can I know you, so detached?
Is it reasonable to love a dream?
I tell myself I've fallen, but,
I doubt how it seems.

Stay with me, promise flesh and blood,
Carve your sentiments out of stone.
Either offer life, or leave me,
So I may be alone.

"Amor Vincit Omnia" - Written 16/01/08 -> 19/04/08

(I): Harp and Heart
Some call me Wayfarer,
Or Seafarer,
Traveller, Exlorer, Hiker,
Call me what you will.
I have been without name,
I have been out of touch,
Never hearing words of brotherhood,
Never hearing the voice of camraderie.

My childhood, my time,
Short-lived,
Spent among fellow man,
Working to a unifying goal.
Truth is I barely remember,
Truth is it is lost to me,
The time I spent among humanity,
The time I was not alone.

'Nay, alone is not accurate.
In solitude, lost?
I am not alone in this place,
There is someone with me.
Someone without name,
Someone not quite real,
A creature in solitude, akin to me,
A creature in solitude, so as to lure me.

My mission long forgotten,
Cast aside, perhaps,
I travelled by boat, stranded,
One-man vessel, in infinite sea,
When Kastor and Polydeuces assaulted me,
When those twins sought to warn me,
I prayed for my life to the aged man,
I prayed for my life, for the end of this odyssey.

Tossed by tide and storm,
Light, and land,I saw, I dreamed, and steered toward,
While control was still in my grasp,
Hoping no fiend would find me there,
Hoping no nymph awaited in triumph,
Unprepared for what I would find there,
Unprepared, for what I would find there was;

Meadow, stretched far as eye could see,
Sweet scent, and melody,
On the edge of hearing hung a tune familiar,
Sweet notes of harp and angelic song,
I was a man possessed, ensnared,
I was as the flora of that field alike,
Each head tossed, it seemed, towards that source,
Each head tossed, it seemed, towards that angel-place.

As I neared toward that place I saw,
Pale flesh, hair,
And golden harp held close, lovingly,
Each string shimmering, glowing in the soft light,
Like the skin, radiant, appealing,
Like the girl, eyes closed, heavenly whispering,
In language I did not understand, but I felt,
In language I did not understand, deep meaning.

I confess, already at this time, I found myself,
My heart, and core,
Moving, with feelings I had never felt before,
And seeing her before me, I admit,
I longed for the feel of her flesh,
I longed for her touch, her warmth,
She lay bare before me, harp in her arms, and,
She lay bare before me, drawing me ever closer.

Laying upon a mound, or hill, near sitting,
Singing, and playing,
Her fingers flicking across strings,
Plucking here and there, the strings of my heart,
Speaking my name, in her ancient tongue,
Speaking of love, and things to come,
Her dark eyes opened, fixed directly on me,
Her dark eyes opened, she sang of tragedy.

Her lips parted, and asked for me,
The tune stopped,
And I leaned down as she kissed me,
That moment I knew my spirit was caught,
Drawn to her in a single motion,
Drawn from me with that significant action,
Possession cast aside, her harp in the grass,
Possession cast aside, bare before her.

We shared of each others warmth,
Of love, lust,
Lost in her beauty, I forgot my plight, until,
Satisfied, she cast me aside, done with me,
Unfolding, I saw her wings spread wide,
Unfolding against the backdrop of the sky,
Clear vision, I saw now the truth of my path,
Clear vision, know this: "Amor Vincit Omnia".

(II): Harp and Flesh
I awake with a smile upon my face,
Thinking I am with my love again,
Curled up, warmth in my embrace,
But waking brings naught but pain.

My bed of decay and restless birth,
Where worms and parasites wake me,
Creatures of the rot and earth,
See sure my dreams forsake me.

Through netted, overhanging canopy,
Of spears adorned with green-gold slabs,
Tormenting visions pour down onto me,
Beautiful hair, of That Which Grabs.

With dire announcements of a coming woe,
The voice of Aello from above me rings,
Approaching, I see the female face Celaeno,
To her duty she comes, The Swift Wing.

I lie spread-stretched over rock and dirt,
Immobile, with hunger that saw me fell,
Feast so close as to cause only hurt,
Snatcher keeping me here in hell.

Tricked by immortal guise and guile,
I sought out the Fair Hair in this place,
The razor talons went unnoticed while
I fell in trance for the beauty of her face.

In this browning wood, each tree a life
Foolishly sacrificed, nay, thrown away,
I too fell folly, seeking escape from strife,
Ignorant to my willingly entering the fray.

She inhabits me, and hounds and haunts,
Steals sustenance, snatches feast away,
For jealousy, I must now suffer, she taunts,
Talon tearing tendon, 'till my bones are grey.

An eternity she has spent at her duty here,
Cawing her lamentations in these eerie trees,
Bringing loss, hope, loss, in a cycle of years,
The suffering spread in our branches her creed,

Over such juvenile a thing as fruitless love
I fell, in ignorance, to suffering, and pain,
The Harp' serves reminder in the sky above,
"Amor Vincit Omnia", this truth shall remain.

(III): Harp and Soul
Countless millenia have passed, since I arrived in this place.
Innumberal years of unspeakable tortures have annihilated me,
I am more suffering than man, more death than living,
For my body gave up on pain long ago, could not contain it.
I would have thought I died, were it not for the songs.

The songs, the songs,
Still ringing in my ears, ever present, ever persistent,
Notes that mock the folly and weakness of mortal men.
Sweetest notes have sickly turned.

Those days, weeks, years - For I have lost all measurements,
There was little left to speak of that direst cruelty; Hope.
Yet, I thought, perhaps in madness, or desire,
Or in some torturous cruelty by my captors,
I believed I heard a voice, the softest whisper,
A modest promise, to which all salvation stuck.

The voice told me her name,
Spoke to me of royalty, and splendour.
She told me of love, and war, and growth,
and I believed -
It is when man has reached his greatest low,
He may celebrate, for he sinks no further.

Devoid of eyes to see, or flesh to feel,
I was merely a soul stretched as a string,
Yet I heard myself, shimmering in a soft breeze,
A growing gale, the wind of my captor's reckoning.
So it was now I knew the battle had begun,
The name of my new Queen, declaring war,
"Hera challenges that we compete at once,
To the victor goes the others vanquished valour."

The amorous one's voice engulfed me,
Resonating with my maddenning sorrow,
Echoing within the barren halls of my mind,
Filling up those corners long since hollowed.
A great love had swelled up within me,
And I pledged myself to her immediatly.
Erato, the most perfect of her kind.

My possessors voice proceeded then to ring
In harmony, both my loves now sing.
The two were heard so sweetly, for so long,
So closely matched, I feared I had been wrong,
Until the Siren laid her hands upon her lyre,
To steal, as Harpies would, my love's desire.

The piece chimed in, and joined their song,
And my love began to lose her equal place,
Her harp came out to join them in the fray,
But confidence shone in my Siren's face.
Her opponent's voice was quivering,
The song was slowly breaking,
I could not let my captor win this way.

Her fingers passed over me, and pulled,
Yet to her dismay no note came about.
She pulled and plucked again, to no avail,
At a final touch the string snapped and fell out.
Her song had simply stopped, and she was done.
My great loves wavering voice had won.

A shrill cry of betrayal screeched through the sky,
Defeat in voice was thought impossible.
Erato laughed, and plucked, without care,
Her feathers - to fight back would be implausable.
The siren had lost at Hera's game,
To keep her image would be a crime.
Thus she was soon left featherless and bare.

She left in shame, and my love began to play,
Becoming young, and sweet, absent-mindedly
Weaving her prizes each around,
She turned the Sirens honour to a crown.
Her trophy won, I thought she would turn away,
When she became suddenly aware of me.

The strangest sensation surrounded me on all sides,
And I felt air enter my lungs, and rush through my hair.
My hands were clutching at the meadows ground,
- I could see again, after centuries without eyes.
Returning to me, after I stopped my siren's song,
My body felt weak, left motionless so long.

She smiled at me, and helped me to my feet,
Kissed me, briefly, and I felt my strength restored.
Her lips were soft, and her taste was sweet,
The ailments of millenia, in one motion cured.
She said she feared her loss, before I came along,
And gave her thanks for my part in her victory.
She said my soul had shone, lifted her song,
I knew in that moment that she had loved me.

We belong to one another, forever bound
In life and death, in love, in hopes and fears.
The song she sang, we sing together now,
To celebrate love with each passing year.
We named that melody we play together,
In honour of how our love came to be.
Words that we have both believed forever,
"Amor Vincit Omnia" - eventually.

(IV): Harp and Stone
I had grown into a content soul,
Despite a life of incident,
I had found a place of warmth and growth,
My love was heaven-sent.
Had this been the ending of my tale,
I would have died pleasant, feeling well,
But Hera's jealousies burn and hiss,
She would ruin men for her own bliss.

My wife was a beauty to behold,
The praise and pleasure of all men of old.
Hundreds used to pine and perish,
Pilgrimage and pray for a single kiss.
In their power, those who could do much more,
The Gods themselves would act thus,
'Till the Sea Lord brought her to Athena's store,
And took her, overcome by his lust.

Her punishment was swift,
Athena's wrath burned in veins-
Erato's body wracked and torn,
Snakes spilled from her brain.
Her image now wretched, beauty died,
When I looked in her eyes, I became petrified.
Unable to face what she had become,
She remained in our hall, hid from the sun.

The men that came now each passing day,
Saw not the beauty that they sought,
And soon her legacy died away,
The Aegis' message swiftly taught.
The name Erato, once loves own aura,
Became an ugly myth, became "Medusa".

The Gorgon eyes, the cockatrice stare,
Tears down a face for which only I cared.
More and more men, who had come here in lust,
Fell before her, to rubble and dust.
I had companions now, in these halls of stone.
This cavernous museum with no life inside,
Was what had become of our loving home.
Amidst all the other statues I try to hide.

I do not wish to see her form anymore,
As she slithers, a lilith, across marble floors.
She tore up the village, and neighbours we knew,
To barren dead cliff, turned the land to rock too.
Atlas looks up at this place in misery,
While God's Queen laughs at what she sees.
This serpentine creature has forgotten my sculpture,
Just another stone body, and no healing elixer.

The wasteland that this place has become,
Just a mirror of the lands where other beasts roam.
The labyrinth must look as this hall does,
Lost men and stone where the darkness grows.
Set upon by a creature of fable,
We long to escape, yet find ourselves unable.

Ages passed on, with no new change occurring,
Until a strange whistle came, began to sing.
A golden bird entered the halls of rock,
Perched on my head - Just one of our flock.
"Athena has taken pity on you, Gorgoneion,
She offers her shield, and your punishment done."
This message was simple, did not decieve me,
But the monster was blinded by need to be free.

Soon her need came, in the form of a man,
Winged-sandals, sword, mirrored shield in his hand.
He saw her in glass, and his blood remained red,
Cut at the neck, he stole the gorgons head.
Her body was pillaged, changed, and now done,
Two creatures spilled forth, but the hero had gone.

Athena's shield was such a simple lie,
The creature had thought "surrender", not "die".
Her head now a weapon, with potent power blessed,
A petrifying cover held at the goddesses breast.
All men to look on her still turned to stone,
As I - the first victim - in these halls alone.

I was enough of the fool to love her after rape,
To curse the old man, and to try keep her calm.
I should have left her the day my love was forsaken,
Before her actions turned sour, turned me a stone man.
Yet the same mistake made and broke me all my life,
I lived a happy time with her as my wife.

The lady of love has plagued me forever,
I had not been careful enough with her temper.
The cestus' power I could not resist,
Though she paired me with Ares when preparing my tryst,
And though the Gods have now changed,
The Irresistable now gone,
I am still plagued by this new "Cupidon".
So when my love was assailed in the land of Athena,
I fell plague, now eternally; "Amor Vincit Omnia".

"Innocence" - Written 14/04/08

I hung on your every word,
Every movement of your lips
Was a significant motion.
Every kiss left a simple notion,
I treasured your devotion.

Your absence made me weep,
Every time you went away
My heart sank into an abyss,
Our arguments seemed to burn and hiss,
Until you returned, restoring bliss.

Now, of course, I understand.
I was wrong about our private puzzles.
Nothing to be shown publicly.
Our "love" was never meant to be,
That was not how you felt for me.

"The Apex" - Written 15/04/08

His white hair,
And stone grey skin,
Stare at their reflection
In the looking glass,
Reflecting upon their past sins,
Knowing that all this will pass.

The white hair will fade,
The skin will blotch and colour,
All of this will darken, afterward.

He clutches his right arm in his left,
Rubs the weak muscles,
And aching cramps.
His joints have always ached
From his work,
Though at least he can now relax.

The radio is turned on for a while,
Though what is said doesn't matter at all.
Just a voice in the background of his mind,
While he sits and thinks mostly of her.

She is lost to him now,
And he contemplates the gifts
That the passing of time have brought him.

In his weakest moments,
He daydreams;
Of her presence,
And of his lust for her.
Then, in the looking-glass,
He sees once again,
His white hair, his grey skin,
His cramped muscles.

"Melody of Midnight" - Written 27/03/08

Playing out pleasantly,
A Prelude for party of two,
Perfectly prepared to crumble.

Sing to me Erato,
A song for my hurt soul,
Something sweet and bitter.

A few loose notes at least,
A Lament for loss of lovers,
Let me listen to your troubles.

Never waver in tone,
A Nocturne for nostalgia,
Painfully narrating past happiness.

Let your voice resonate,
A Requim for the amorous,
Re-tell, remember their passions.

Speak in whispers, softly,
A Serenade for sultry lovers,
'Neath virgin windowsills, and skies.

Broken, bent and beaten out,
A Bolero for their little brittle hearts,
Left breatheless by the speedy ballad.

Lift your voice, your lips,
A Lullaby for life and love,
Leaving us sleepless, lingering sadness.

Notes majestically tumbling out,
A Minuet for our masquerades plays,
Our matched dances masking many tears.

"The Tormentor" - Written 26/03/08

I feel it burning within me,
Like the fires of some distant hell-
Distinct, stifling, sulphurous,
Unstoppable in its swell.

Overcoming the crisp, dry wood
That makes up this body I call my home.
I'm burning into a barren ashen entity,
My mind in atrition.

I hear familiar voices calling,
Trying to bring me back to reality.
They ring through the fog in my head,
Obscured, sounding like moans of the damned.

The fire burns greater, furiously!
My eyes are now blinded.
I see only this great hatred.
I seek vengeance against my destroyer.

With this, I destroy myself.

"Moment Of Silence" - Written 03/04/08

Strange, isn't it?
Other people ignore me all the time.
Other people feel no obligation to talk to me,
And I don't feel the slightest bit upset.
The silence I spend those days in,
Wandering through bustling streets,
Filled with people who don't know me,
Who don't care how I feel,
Is somehow pleasant, and calming.
I never once hear my name called aloud,
My only speech a simple "please" or "thanks",
The only care recieved is change, in stores.
I demand nothing from these people,
Who, from me, are demanding even less.
These are people I have no loyalty to,
People I would happily testify against.
So why is it that I feel betrayed, upset?
Why do I hear my sobs in silent days?
Why do I feel you owe me more than they do,
When if anything, you should owe me less?

Just because you told me that you loved me,
Why must I feel that showing it is your duty?

"Suicide" - Written 26/03/08

I have been Destroyed.
I have been Destoryed.
I have been Neglected.
I have been Negligent.

You filled me full of awe,
You have made me awful.
You were terrific to me,
You have left me terrified.

To be Forgotten is worse than Death.

There is a small black hole
In your past and in mine.
There is a small black hole,
Pulling lies in, distorting time.

I gave my heart away,
I sold my soul for approval.
I gave my love away,
I sold my soul, and lost approval.

To be Forgotten is worse than Death.

How can I have any pride?
I was proud of my forgiveness.
How could I have any pride,
When I forgave all your insults.

Now I have been Forgotten.
My fate is worse than Death.

"A Year Of Mistakes" - Written 21/03/08

Three-hundred and sixty-five days since I never asked you out,
Three-hundred and sixty days since I wasn't there for you,
Three-hundred and fifty-five days since I had locked myself out,
Three-hundred and fifty days since I heard about you two.

Three-hundred and thirty-five days since I gave up on trying,
Three-hundred and thirty days since I failed to get caught out,
Three-hundred and twenty-five days since I walked away from crying,
Three-hundred and twenty days since you left me, to go south.

I walked out on myself about two-hundred and ninety days ago,
That was when it all went bad, though I didn't know.
I subscribed to another fate, I aimed much too low,
I chose north, the frozen lands, where I could never grow.

Now I sit and write about two-hundred and fifty days before,
When I first wrote about my soul shaking at the core,.
Two-hundred and thirty days ago I stepped through a mentors door,
Convinced her that my going north was all I need and more.

Two-hundred days ago, I visited the south.
One-hundred and ninety-five days ago I returned home with you,
One-hundred and ninety days ago praise bloomed in my mouth,
One-hundred and eighty days ago you left again with crew.

One-hundred and fifty days ago I thought of you and wrote,
One-hundred and forty days ago I saw, to my suprise,
Another venian's beauty sparkle - a sigh caught in my throat.
One-hundred and thirty days ago you still gave no reply.

When, one-hundred days ago, I got tired of waiting for you,
I decided, ninety-five days past, to give a new queen my crown.
Seventy-five days ago I thought my life was through,
When eighty-five days ago the other turned me down.

Sixty days ago I had known how I would do it,
And five days after that I layed my hands upon the tools.
Fifty days ago I the rope wrapped 'round my neck, and fit,
But it snapped when I fell limp, and I learned life is cruel.

About a month ago my bruises were fully healed,
I hid them and not one person knew what I had done.
Twenty-five days ago, my suitcases were sealed,
As I prepared to head north, away from the sun.

Fifteen days ago, I closed a door behind me,
An occupation I hated, I walked out on, finally.
Though consequences of this action were obvious to see,
Another place to earn, when in need, is now gone from me.

Ten days ago I thought of you again, and all I've done,
Thought of the days long passed, locked within each others eyes.
Five days ago my heart still ached over the one
Whom I knew was the reason that my soul gave out these cries.

Yesterday I travelled north, to where my future is.
I tried to just act casual, hide myself, in my pride.
Today I found a small corner, where I could write this,
But not enough days have passed to admit that when I lost you, I died.

And Finally....

Back to the Mature Poetry again, eh?

I'm really in for more than I can handle I bet... still, may as well try and keep this ball rolling!

"Judging By Cover"

We all know what you want,
And you know what you've got,
Yet you'd still turn away
If you were offered the lot,
You'd close the door,
Find a worse one open to step through.

And if you don't mind,
Then I'd have the mind
To get into your mind,
And see if I can get to know you.

But you take what you see,
Then throw it away.
Before you open the cover,
'Say you'll read another day,
Even though this book is exactly
What you want to read.

I get one word out,
Then the rest come back in,
'Cos you've turned the other way
While you're talking to him.
I can't see the point,
And you won't give me a chance,
But we both know all we want
Is just a little romance.

And now I'm up on a shelf,
Out of sight, out of mind,
Or the back of the drawer,
Though I'm one of a kind,
And you remember nothing
'Cos you've nothing to remember 'bout me.

A bit much to presume
That I'm well suited for you?
Or can you just not see
A tiny fraction of me?
Or are you busy with the guys
More comfortable for you?
When I'm hung up like this,
You're keeping me busy too.

I get one word out,
Then the rest come back in,
'Cos you've turned the other way
While you're talking to him.
I can't see the point,
And you won't give me a chance,
But we both know all we want
Is just a little romance.

"Hoax"

Quit the smoke and shadows and
The puppets made in light, within the forests
Over mountains, on the moor, in tempests
Covering the skies of night.

Stop this hiding and come out,
Learn to do, and not doubt.

Stop the acting, cover, and
The masquerade, all in your hiding,
Through all scene's of al acts riding 'cross
The long interpersonal stage.

Stop hiding and come out here,
Learn to do, and not fear.

In the darkness the stars still
Light up your ways, ever slightly. Still
You hide from the moon shining brightly.
You are weakened beyond days.

Stop hiding and come out here,
Learn to do, and not doubt.
Give way and chance on facing fear,
Be born in time to live the days out.

See the sun rest, and glow on
The slightly pale skin. Give it all up with
Your everything on this find - Bound together
Your troubles would fit on a pin.

Stop this hiding and come out,
Learn to do, and not fear.
Be born in time to live the days out,
Give way and chance on facing fear.

"Eternal?"

End of the long and beaten track,
Some saw this day and they turned back.
After this grand finale then everything's gone,
But the light of day still touches everyone.

Opened your eyes for the first time to see,
And you asked the question about who you'd be.
Looking back and you see that it's all in the past,
Those old days were too perfect to last.

Nothing lasts forever,
Sooner or later it's all gonna change,
But it's nice to look deep every once in a while,
And see everything deep is still just the same.

Hasn't been much growth in this world of yours,
New work that's made from the same old chores.
You might think it was wrong, or think it was right,
Chances are you'll miss it by the end of the night.

Nothing lasts forever,
Sooner or later it's all gonna change,
But it's nice to look deep every once in a while,
And see everything deep is still just the same.

To throw it away? You'll just pick it back up.
To leave it behind, that'd be much too tough.
But keep it with you when you know it'll change?
It'll tear your heart up if it just stays the same.

Nothing lasts forever,
Sooner or later it's all gonna change,
But it's nice to look deep every once in a while,
And see everything deep is still just the same.

Nothing changes really,
And you've still got it right.
Both the old, and the new,
Will help you pass the night.

"Dried Blood"

See this, and I turn away,
Can't bear to show myself today,
See that circle surrounding him,
It eats me all up from within.
I know there's no way they can tell,
But I can't breathe - can't escape this hell.

Sharp and shallow,
Cutting nerves in flesh.
That's how my breathing comes,
My thoughts are just a mesh.
Light enters my eyes askew,
In blurred vision all I see is you.

I can't feel anything,
Can't tell if I'm still standing.
Cover up, tell another lie,
All that's left to do is die.
I can't see, I can't hear,
Nothing to feel except this fear,
I can't hurt, I can't cry,
Seeing you I see myself die.

Voices light up,
In me they're calling.
Picking myself back-up,
Stopping the falling.
Showing me just what I want,
I'm just reminded what I haven't got.

I can't see, I can't hear,
Nothing to feel, Nothing but fear,
I can't hurt, I can't cry,
I don't see you, I just see myself die.

A day passes by,
Another part from you,
The closer it gets to the end
Of this tunnel I am pushing through.
The closer to the time you're gone,
There's nothing left to feel when you're alone.

I can't feel anything,
Can't tell if I'm still standing.
Cover up, tell another lie,
All that's left to do is die.
You, I can't see,
You, I can't hear,
You, I can't feel,
You, I don't fear.
Anymore, I can't be hurt,
Anymore, I can't cry,
Anymore, we've moved away,
There's no more of me left to die.

"Cell"

Your arms beckon me
To your flesh,
Curl my into
The ice-white skinned breast.
The heart that beats fast
To keep itself warm,
Cannot foretell
The damage it has done.

I like it in my cage,
I like the rain,
I'll throw myself away,
I hold the pain.

Your smiles loving me,
Teeth bared in that grin,
Your kisses holding me
Like an insect on a pin.
The flesh that seduces,
And sees not what its done,
Is quite the best there is,
The only true loved one.

I like it in my cage,
I like the rain,
I'll throw myself away,
I hold the pain.

I hate what you've done to me,
(I like it in my cage)
I hate who you are to me,
(I like the rain)
I hate to be near you,
(I'll throw myself away)
I'll drown my memories of you.
(I hold the pain)

I like it in my cage.
I like it in my cage.
I like it in my cage.
I like it in my cage.

Oh no, another note!!

Well, I've finally run out of my Juvenile Poetry...
"Belief" was a bit of a cop out, wasn't it?
Strange I've never written any other Haikus in all my time though.

Anyway, I've a few (i.e. four, maybe five) pieces that, while not poetry, were written before I turned eighteen, were intended to be songs, but still have no music put to them yet.

So to give me even more time on the Adult Poetry front (not that I haven't been writing, but to make sure I stock up enough to not miss a day any time soon!) I'm going to post up these musicless lyrics also.

It's not like my readership is large enough for me to care if people complain.

"Belief"

Life is but a play,
In which all men act - I think
Actors are re-used.

"Keep Your Friends Close"

Nothing comes between our speech,
You will talk while I will listen,
And we trade places, words flowing
Into space between us.

An orchestrated sound cocophany
Is the same where music is not heard,
Only movement and the word,
- The woodwind sound is not the voice
Of the players lips which form it,
This melody, his voice won't fit.

To hate, one has to love,
But hate cannot be spoken to.
It must be true - "Keep your enemies closer."

"The Hunt"

Watch the beast as it roams free,
Could never be a part of me,
Across the flood where I can't catch her,
She moves seeking a different master.

I lay in wait, I set a trap,
For a beast I know I cannot catch,
She roams into another hunter's sight,
Yet he won't shoot, though the time is right.

Torture to see prey that you can't get
Be the prey that he doesn't want,
When you'd give your life to fire that bullet,
And hold your catch up off the ground.

"Crystalisation"

Love doesn't hurt,
That's the limerance-
It takes everything away,
and strips you bare.

Forced to confront
Your greatest desires,
Both shot down and held up,
Hope found in a fog.

Lost on the moor of indecision,
Seeking the sanctuary of complacancy,
Fixated on a distant land,
And travelling there unwillingly.

Seeking reciprocation for something
You do not even feel,
Like longing for salt to quench a thirst,
Losing a sense of decency.

Sweet like a forbidden fruit,
The desire of a childs mind,
Uninterested in that subtle perfection,
Though still found it one-of-a-kind.

"Jack"

I am the jack of all trades.
Jack - not King, nor Queen,
Of any suit. While not bad
A draw in hand, I am
No winning card of which to boast.

Only the skilled bluff makes me outstanding.

You endow me with paranormal strengths,
Like the bold and fearless hero of the damsel,
In the silver-screen of your imagination.
I am more than merely this banal motif.

I am master of no single trade,
I have never crafted, painted, scored nor sculpted.
I cannot catch a fish,

Yet you still insist to think of me,
Lonely-still on quiet dew-dropped banks,
Mist-pressed face somehow enamoured
Of this dank and murky paraphernalie.

A master of the trade,
Skilled on worm and crusted bloody hook.

I have not caught a fish,
And fear that I shall starve and die
Without the most important catch.

I am only honoured
With dirty hands, abundant bate,
White mud dirtying a ruby high above.

"Landscape"

I can hear the songs of love,
Composed above the steps and stones,
In heads and hearts of lonely men,
In empty dips and worn out bones.

The screaming in a quiet cave,
Concealed by huge impending boulder,
When the moors are quiet of those who crave,
From this slowly a river meanders.

Yes I have heard the songs of love,
From those who never speak at all,
But silently they speak the loudest,
Words crushing like waterfalls.

"Your Way"

So you dislike my methods
- Is it that I am not cautious?
Not looking the right way?
Not devoting soul attention to it?
Not doing any number of things
To be done in any number of scenarios.

You would rather do it slower,
Or consider it longer,
Or arrange it all out in order,
Or try - try - try and again
Until you find what you want
(but not do it yourself).

"No actually - how about"
Try - try - try - try - try,
And again.

Are we finished?
May we progress?
Not quite yet.
I do digress.

Dig your soles into mud,
Keep your fingers hot,
When the work we have is finished
There'll be time for us to rot.

"Swan"

I won't let myself ask,
And I know neither will you,
Beauty like white feathers may lie
Between us, but wild, endlessly.

Even were we both to wish
To tame the arched neck and seraph wings,
You would be too afraid to give the bread,
And I will not risk it's escape just to tame it.

Blood is turned to merry liquids,
And tears to cleansing water used to wash,
And scars to joyful memories in an instant,
Forgetting the biting, feeling it's soft silk touch.

This bird may be wild,
But maybe it will tame,
Even if it never does,
I'll not let it escape.

"Calm"

Light shines - quite unstoppably - through a blind.
Things are too bright to see.
It must be aware of this irony.

A screen finds little words.
Sent by a dark lady -
She is short with me. The light will find her too.

I admire a melody in an envious way.
Inside an audience sings pleasure.
A young girl smiles on a page upon a table.
I observe prettiness - for a measure.

My presence is upon a pleasant seat.
The air is fresh - and it is hardwood.

I am inspired to nothing.
Thus old souls run through me-
And I am engulfed by a not-sadness.
There is this strange brevity.

"The Hiding Place"

Thoughts peer through the shadows,
Occasionally pausing on memory,
I shake my head as if to say
'Someone else', that was not me.

In my mind I change a thousand times,
A thousand more with every second passed,
A new masquerade built for each occasion,
But nothing's meant to last.

A musician hangs in the corner while
A scholar sits quietly below.
A crying child is curled beneath it all,
And has never learned to grow.

"Tragedy"

One mind on fire at the end of the world,
The venoms hiss, the reptile uncurls.
The creature is bitten and hangs now limp,
-A low life harlot, a powerless imp.

The pungent green and black poisons swirl,
A man is protested the babe' of a girl,
Any other form approached he'd not be afeared,
-Blood lust and loss leaves thoughts left unclear.

Your actions come not a moment too soon,
Not a moment too late,
Not at all,
Nothing.

There's not a man's house in which
I have no a servant kept.
There's not a man's which does not keep
A servant's eyes on me.

There's not a man's house,
Not a place at all,
Not at all,
Nothing.

Stolen! - The Life of the Building!
Where is Duncan?

"Atheist"

I stall a little longer - no hurry,
He thinks it is a dilligence or a love,
And I suppose he may be right,
For I know my own reasons no better than anybody
Who knows not the cause of anything much.

But coming to my comprehension,
There is the reason I would give (true or not),
They rush off for cliques and communities,
To mix, to return, to mix once more,
In a neverending cycle, free of monotony.

I have a different agenda.
One I hate to think.
I rush off to nothing,
Only a silent empty room.

"Father"

I remember,
When I was younger, my father,
His dissatisfactions.

We would tremble, as he
(Popping his head around the door)
Snarled at us, for failing
To be as He wanted of us.

Now, as I am older,
The snarl holds little threat.
His constant displeasure
Is merely monotonal work

Of a worn out engine which,
(Always in use)
We never came around
To changing.

That snarl is not
That we are something other
But that He, with His dissatisfaction,
Is something He wants us not to see.

"Outsight"

Here is a little crowd,
In which everyone is exactly the same,
All just replicas, the grand machine of life
Places before you, for you to see,
And yet you haven't even opened your eyes.

He will go on to be rich,
She, to have an affair (with him?)
He will break down and ruin his 3rd marriage,
And none of these three will succeed.

Are you beginning to comprehend?
Take is slowly - baby steps.

He had more bruises than any child should,
She has scars, on the inside,
They buried their lives a long time ago
In a black lake, far from here.
He forgot himself since he got inside.

Myself?
I have nothing to give.
Or too much, in fact,
But even the greatest gifts
In greatest excess tend
To be troublesome to recieve.

My tale is long and lonesome,
About things nobody else can see - unless
You look through the familiar faces
To piece up an image of me.

"A Death In The Family"

Wastage - of two, of five -
That's seven now, now eight, now nine.
Merely seeds - now they're planted,
Fell from their trees too soon.

There ought to be one more seed,
Amongst them in wet soils.
A precipitation, a pathetic fallacy,
A single, solemn sympathy.

The tree, would it grow elsewhere
More suited for its wood
(now saturated) -
It is a boat amidst mountains.

It seeks water,
To no avail
(Despite current abundance
of the fluid).

The liquid rests on the surface,
To which the shallow roots of others
Thirstily do crawl -
Its deeper roots which burrow
May find nothing moist at all.

"Battle"

There were ten-thousand soldiers
At war in my head,
Commanders, their regiments,
But now they're all dead.

It ended the same way
Most wars tend to,
With nothing changed,
And nothing new,

Except for the loss of ten-thousand lives,
Felt only by families, children and wives.
You can't say the accomplished feat was small,
There were ten-thousand soldiers...
We killed them all.

"Quest"

"I think it's time I was leaving now",
Beneath Orian, North, and Plough,
The fields that grip us to our bones
Pull us down to the unknown.

The world of dreams, and succesful life,
Which gave way to a world of strife,
And failure, in the stead of success,
Illusion gave away to less.

Escape remains so crystal clear,
In tiny drops, my sweetened dear,
The vision of beauty, my coloured song,
To whom my heart is dear despite long

Distances which may lay between.
A life of more than seventeen,
I am brought o'er hundred leagues,
Unlike the young love which fatigues.

All this and I am with her now,
She smiles politely, frowns a wrinkled brow,
"I think it's time I was leaving now."

"Riddle"

There is nothing that can be done,
But accept who we are,
And try to ignore these feelings,
Hidden not so deep, nor far.

He dictates as though his knowledge
Is perfect, and infallible,
Yet he is human, like those he calls flawed,
Be they peasant, prince, or papal.

I question him not - No need
For needless quarrel with a friend,
Though before I give in and agree,
I will sooner meet my end.

To sacrifice a reason,
Causing such deeds that you choose,
You conquer yourself, yet in winning,
That being the reason, you lose.

I however do not accept this,
Such loss was, from beginning, in sight,
But winning just so I could lose,
In some way, makes me right.

"Narcissist"

You sneer at me because I'm confident.
"Arrogant", the word of the hour.
Or week. Or year.
Quite frankly, I don't care.

Arrogance is what people who only think
They are better than they are have.
This does not apply to me.
These people are not as good as me.
Arrogant people are people who wish they were me.

Not a single part of you can arguably be
Even remotely comparable to me.
I know, you can't pretend I don't see
You envy, you hate, you wish you were me.

A lower class in society
Strays by and accidently touches me.
Disgusting creature, I'd never stoop so low,
Even born in his family I'd still grow.

No physical form can fully take me,
But I grow to the infinite beyond what you see.
Even Death himself only wishes to take me
from purest desire - inadequate envy.

"Forgiveness"

I knew you would do this.
I knew, someday, this time would come.
I wrote about it.
A little letter to myself, in a code,
Nobody knew it but me.

Now you've done it, and perhaps,
If I am lucky, you'll regret it.
Then when you climb back up those rocks,
Slowly pull your way to the top,
You'll find me there wait, glad you returned.

Glad.
Because I will throw you off again.

"Letter Of Foresight"

Face away, Face him,
Laughing in my face.
Smile away, Smile to him,
My smile left no trace.

Turn your back, back to him,
There's no coming back.
Get up front, front of him,
Full frontal attack.

I hope you're happy
With what you're turning to,
'Cos same as you've just done,
He'll abandon you.

Play a laugh, Play to him,
Play it up for me,
Shy away, Seraphim,
One abandons me.

Cast down, this hateful town
Will burn your heart away,
You brought it on yourself,
When you turned away.

He doesn't care what
You're going through,
Once he's taken all you are,
He'll find someone new.

"Persephone"

It should be winter.
There's a chill, and that dark silence
Exists somewhere. It should be removed
From its cage.

All this life, this abundance,
It is harmful to me.

The streets should be empty of souls.
The darkness should weigh down heavy,
And I should feel the cold ghosts of fog
Pressing up close, to drain the heat from me.

It is certain I feel no such thing.
I feel almost nothing at all.
I hear nothing in the call
Of the stray breeze through occasional leaves.

The breath moves thin through me,
Like the ice-cold daggers of winter wind.
Blood flows as melancholy waters
That barely keep the river running.

The light burns my eyes,
And my reflection smiles back at me,
It knows what has to be done.

I wish it was winter again.
Surrounded by people and not a single soul,
Shrouded in darkness, the mists and the cold.

"Adolescent Scribbling"

There is a soldier.
He is off duty, and look - he is sprawled
Across his place of rest - sleeping, while permitted.
This cannot last long - and doesn't.
Hear how he is called to attention,
Arising immediatly.
There is a duty to be done,
A situation grasped suddenly,
The pressure builds up around him,
And a greater force within.

The force reaches its peak, and suddenly,
He loses control. He shoots.
An eruption of bullets.

Just a quick note here...

For this week, or possibly just from hereafter until further notice, I'm going to start posting my "Juvenile/Youth/Adolescent/etc." poetry - admittedly due to my shortage of my recent work - I still have some remaining poems I could put up, but some of them are appearance based and I'm worried they'll end up being skewed in some way, and some of them are simply parts of a larger whole, which I have not yet finished.

So, I suppose I'll just have to speed up my writing process, so that by the time I've finished mooching from my back-log of work, I have lots of more "Mature" works to get on with posting. At least I have the novelty of not having any audience (which I am aware of, at any rate) to placate, so at least I don't have to worry about letting anybody other than myself down.
Sweet!

"Palpitations" - written 16/03/08

How long before I get caught out?
How long can I tempt fate like this?
How long before the world sees
That something's wrong,
and catches up with me?

Every night the same thing comes,
Every night before I sleep it stuns,
Every night this feeling grips me,
Insomnia addiction,
Attacking me with fear.

I awake like each new day is a gift,
I awake to the defibrillator's grift,
I awake wide eyed, panicked,
Breath barely breaking
Into lungs I feel aching.

Adrenalin flows in my veins, in my head,
Adrenalin flows tossing me from this bed,
Adrenalin flows, fighting, flying now,
Can't remain calm,
Sweat pools in palms.

"-and i thought of you" written 26/11/2007

-and a world moved,
i forgot to move too,
so i've been lost,
trapped out here,
somewhere beyond orbit, -

-and still tied to a time,
when sun came through a pane,
when we would lose them,
trap ourselves behind closed door,
just to be alone, -

-and we would talk,
so much we forgot to stop,
losing ourselves utterly,
trapping us in it,
until they brought separation, -

-and knocking so furious,
"have you forgotten the time?"
the meeting was lost,
we locked together in trap,
before we would part again, -

-and seasons passed,
somehow forgetting us,
losing old memories,
trapped in lives,
until i needed rescuing, -

"Situation" - written 25/01/08

To be, or not to be,
What is the difference?
What is life without death,
Or death without life?

There can be no silence
Without the sound of speech,
And no love,
Without the ability not to love.

Mourn the loss of life,
Celebrate the release of death,
Enjoy the noise of silence,
Fear the emptiness of speech.

Surely every thing
Is only part of a whole,
Opposites are exactly the same,
With no difference at all.

Call me Pandora then,
For I have followed her path,
I opened up the box,
And I must face its wrath.

"A Muse" - written 21/02/08

For Maria

Over the night,
and Out of sight,
A whispering cry,
A besotted goodbye,
She's left to serve others,
Her sisters and brothers.

Thinks of herself last,
After all other cast
Have left with her word
To the stage, to be heard.
Only when she's alone
Will she script her own,

Yet ever more come on crutch,
Seeking her touch,
Their Creativity spent,
They think her heavenly sent,
Though in her mind she fell,Was not sent, into hell.

"While I Am Not There" - written 17/11/07

Such a crystal drop,
Such a fragrant scent,
Such a transient dream
In which my days are spent.
A waking pristine picture passes,
Each thought turned to sacred masses.

The flow shatters my scene,
A tear, a river, a lake, a sea,
Kingdom-devouring waters,
Bringing truth back to me.
Every dream is transient, fake,
Sinking to oblivion, angels break.

Pandora's box is full of hope,
Filled neatly to the brim,
Yet just one drop come pouring out,
Even on Seraphim,
Will chain all 6 wings tightly bound,
And tear the creature to the ground.

Now all these dreams are dead,
I see you are not mine,
I observe this paradisiac beauty,
With perception fine,
Yet still oblivious, you hear another tune,
Outside of myself; I am not your Moon.

"Hive" - written 10/03/08

My mind is the hive,
It's swarming.
My thoughts are the bees,
They're teeming.
My goal is the honey,
It's sweetening.

Through hundreds of eyes,
I'm seeing.
Through my childrens lives,
I'm creating.
Through my soldier's deaths,
I'm replacing.

I hope beyond hope that the honey comes,
Before death arrives swiftly, in the cold months.

The First Post

So, I finally find myself making a little space to collect my works. The way things have been recently, I should end up flooding this place. We'll see what happens - worst comes to worst, I can always flood the pages with my back logs of my "Youth" poetry. I'm still not quite sure what the plan for this place is though; do I collect my poetry, my short stories, a mix of both...?

Not to worry, that's a dilemma for some other time. I'll cross that bridge when... well, whenever. For now, I'm gonna wrap up this little post, and then "publish" my first work on this space. It's one I feel is somewhat appropriate for the beginning of a collection, though I only wrote it less than two days ago.

For now, I shall bid those very few souls reading this Adieu.